"my heart bleeds no more"

ok, so there i was... i was getting out of my work truck when i got the phone call. it was Her. i couldn't help but get weak at the knees and i could hardly keep the excitement out of my voice as i answered the phone. so we talked for an hour. she told me all about her life in the last 3 years. she has a husband who is abusive, she has a son and she is never happy. it breaks my heart to see her beautiful spirit crushed by an unfeeling s.o.b. who can't be a man enough to stop taking drugs and support his family. it was during this talk, i realized that i am in love with a married woman. it is so hard to give her advice about her relationship without having an alterior motive. but i never should have let her get away. if she leaves him, and she continues to show interest i would get together with her. i just want her to be happy. even if that means her staying with her husband. i think that is the true meaning of love, is for the person you love to be happy, no matter how it may tear your heart out. i think that as long as i can see a smile on her face then my heart will have a smile. playing the role of sensitive best friend is very hard when you have the desire to be more than friends. probus nox.

pic

the previous picture is me after graduating advanced individual training at fort leoneard wood missouri. Miltitary Police --- "of the troops, for the troops"

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With One Step "ALL GREAT MASTERS ARE CHIEFLY DISTINGUISHED BY THE POWER OF ADDING A SECOND, A THIRD, AND PERHAPS A FOURTH STEP IN A CONTINUOUS LINE. MANY A PERSON HAS TAKEN THE FIRST STEP. WITH EVERY ADDITIONAL STEP YOU ENHANCE IMMENSELY THE VALUE OF YOUR FIRST....THAT WHICH WE PERSIST IN DOING BECOMES EASIER FOR US TO DO; NOT THAT THE NATURE OF THE THING ITSELF IS CHANGED, BUT THAT OUR POWER TO DO IS INCREASED." ~RALPH WALDO EMERSON

why do they always want Commitment

Commitment should be a four letter word. anyway, i think that my friend's little sister is wanting to jump my bones. she is a nice girl but i couldn't even consider doing something like that with her because i have known her for ever. another friend of mine wants me to get involved with her in a committed relationship. that kind of thing freaks me out. i don't know why.i would like to be able to stand commitment. it is just that as soon as i start to get emotionally close to a female i just shut down. i get freaked out at the thought of what i might be missing by being tied down by one female for the rest of my life. what if i get with one girl who i think is "the one" and i end up missing "the one" and not even know it?

hmm.........

things are not always as bad as they seem on the surface. sometimes you have to realize that all that glitters is not gold. the formerly hopeless situation has a glimmer of hope. it's on the rocks so there is hope yet. i seem to go between hopelessly optimistic and depressingly cynical. it is something i need to work on. i was talking to a guy at work and he asked me what i wanted to do with my life. he said, "you are eighteen. you have your whole life in front of you. what are you going to do with it?" i replied, " i am going to try to get the military to teach me how to fly an aircraft of some sort." he said, "there is no trying. either you are going to do it or you aren't. you have to decide to put your mind to it. once you put your mind to something your only limitation is your ambition." that really surprised me coming from this guy. i guess i shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. and once again i have come full circle again. probus nox....